What My Son Needs To Know About Being a “Big” Boy
I wrote this last year but the same thoughts came running back this year as my son celebrated his birthday this week.
Birthdays are always bittersweet. When they are your own you look at them as another year older and we get to the point where we just starting counting the years because we like to live in a place where father time does not win year after year. When we are younger how we loved those birthdays to give us the badge of honor that we were getting bigger. Our family just celebrated one of these bittersweet days with our son turning 6 years old. Something he has been counting down to for the last 6 months. Not a day would go by where he would forget to tell us that on his next birthday he was going to be six and a “big” boy. Now that this day has come there are a couple of things he needs to understand about being a big boy. Even more importantly there are things I need to make sure he learns as his parent.
Being a big boy comes with responsibility. We can insert the much-quoted line from Spiderman here…”With great power comes great responsibility.” Everyone knows when you turn six you are given super powers and the best part is it does not require a bite from a radioactive spider. This responsibility comes from the age old lesson of personal accountability. At this age, he needs to understand that his choices have consequences. These consequences can be good or bad but no matter what if he makes the choice he, in turn, chooses the consequence to go with it. This is a lesson that the earlier learned the better.
Being a big boy means respecting the women in your life. This was a lesson we had to teach him quickly as he informed us now that he was a big boy he would be calling his mother by her name rather than mom. Big boys respect the women in their lives and they know the most respectful name you can call someone is Mom. This title comes with much work and tears shed looking after you and doing everything she can in her life to make sure you grow up to be that man we know you can become. Big boys also look out for their sisters and know that they truly look to their brothers to watch over and protect them. The way you treat them is what they are going to look for in their future husbands and the way you treat your mother is going to be what your future wife looks for in you.
Big boys know how to ask for help. You are going to want to try to do everything on your own now that you are a big boy and that is great because that is how you learn to push your limits and grow as an individual. There are going to be times where you just don’t have what it takes to accomplish what you are trying to do. Understand this is not a bad thing by any stretch of the imagination. It is okay to come up short if we have given it our very best. Sometimes in specific stages in our life, our best at that time is not good enough. It is important to understand that sometimes we come up short. But when we do we don’t give up because a big boy knows when to ask for help. With this help, there may be other things we learn that give us better skills and perspective for the next time. With this comes a new best effort that will get us further than we made it last time. Big boys don’t give up but they know when to seek out and ask for help.
Big boys look for opportunities to be a leader. When you are young the simplest but most important leadership skills are developed. Great leaders make others feel good about themselves. This is done by the smallest of things like saying thank you when people help you out. Taking the time to ensure that everyone is included in the games on the playground and in the classroom. The most prevalent time for this is with siblings at home. How do you make those in your family feel? Helping out a younger sister or just taking the time to play a game with them. Listening to Mom or Dad to show them you love them. This is the way big boys show they are a leader.
Big boys understand that Mom and Dad still need hugs. We know that you are getting bigger but there is nothing better in the world for us than getting those two strong arms wrapped around our necks. We know you might not want to cuddle like you did before and we respect that but hugs are what keep us going on those days where we look back on the past 6 years and wonder where has the time gone. They let us show you how proud we are of the person you are becoming and let us think of the future where your possibilities are endless and you can truly become whatever you want to be and help all those you come in contact with. Then when we are done with our huge and daydreaming about your beaming future give your Mom a kiss. Kisses are what Moms need as payback for all the sleepless nights, the feedings, and worry-filled thoughts if they are doing a good job. That simple kiss tells them they are. So don’t forget to give your mother a kiss.