From Fitting In to Belonging: Building Strong Family Relationships
Do you hate puzzles as much as I do? There are so many little pieces that have to find a very specific spot on the board. Why do they have to make them all look the same?!?! Let’s do the puzzle of the dark blue ocean against a cloudy, moonless, starless night. I hate to break it to you; everything is a dark piece.
Where am I going with this? I think of puzzles with this quote from Brene Brown because I most definitely am someone who will make that piece fit. If it doesn’t, well then I guess we are going to finish the puzzle in this case.
When I heard this thought it really made me think. Because I have always kind of thought as fitting in as finding a place to belong, you find your people and you just fit in with them. As you fit in you come to belong. As I have thought about this over the past few weeks it has really made me question my previous thoughts on the topic.
Fitting is not finding “your people”. Your people are a group of those who you can get close to that make you more of who you are. One of those the sum of the parts is more than the whole. Your limitless potential is harnessed when you are around these people. They make you better. However it is not a two way street, you also build them up. Momentum is given and taken in these relationships where you belong.
The opposite of fitting in is belonging. – Brene Brown
Fitting in is conforming to what we see or feel are the norms of the environment. It is putting your hood on and drawing the strings tight, so hopefully, no one sees you are there. Fitting in is fear-based. It holds us hostage to what we can truly be. We hope to go with the flow and only change when others do. When they tell us, we can change. Then this change might make us better but chances are it will just put the hood more over our heads until eventually we can’t see ourselves.
What environment are we creating as leaders in our family? Is it one where others feel they have to conform, or do they belong? If leadership is how we make those within our influence feel about themselves, then we make people feel empowered by allowing them to belong. It is this mindset that can have the most significant impact on our home culture it would be creating a place to belong.
Love – All you need is love! Did you sing it like the Beatles do in your head? If you didn’t, it’s okay. We will wait so you can go back and do it again. 🙂 It is as simple and as complex as this one word all into one. There is one thing that you can give your child or spouse, but no one else can. That is the love of a husband/wife or mother/father. You are uniquely qualified because you are in this family. Love them as no one else can. Love them for who they are and who they are trying to become. Create a loving environment where they can flourish without judgment.
Be Curious, Not Judgmental – If you have not already, you need to take a few minutes to watch this clip from Ted Lasso. This is one that I struggle with even today. To take judgment out as a parent. I feel I am quick to judge because I want what’s best for my kids but sometimes what I think is best might not be best for them. It’s best for me. Create an environment where you are curious and take out judgment. If we do this with love, we allow those within our influence to grow in the way they need to. Not the way we need them. The important thing is they are growing. When we create an environment where people are growing, we create a place to belong.
A home where family members feel like they belong is a home where people feel loved and heard. As leaders of your homes, one of the most important things you can do is help those within your influence feel like they belong. Start by taking the time to be intentional about your actions and creating the space where you belong by creating where they belong.
3 Questions To Lead To Action
- Am I focusing on growth and development, or am I getting caught up in judgment and criticism?
- Am I creating an environment where my family members feel they belong?
- How can I be more intentional about expressing love and appreciation for my family members?
#Belong#Values #FamilyValues #Family #Parentship #Family #FamilyLead #Leadership
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