Bad News, You Weren’t Born A Leader

Always lead with the bad news first.  So please sit down, I have something to tell you.  You were not born a leader. You were not born a good parent.  Did I crush your dreams? Well, I hope not because the good news is, nobody was.  Leaders are made not born.

 

If you were to take a sheet of paper and write down every good quality a leader possesses what would be on your list?  If your list is anything like mine I can pull from some of the great leaders I have had when I was younger, from my years working, and many of the organizations I have been a part of.  I can also pull from some of the bad leaders I have had. They have taught me as much if not more than the good ones.

 

My list would have things like humble, confident, loving, good listener, gives me the freedom to grow, and a good teacher.  Would your list of a parent have anything different? The need in our homes is to give our families good leaders and to teach each other to become leaders.  This is how good leaders are made. They are intentional about growth and those within their circle of influence.

 

Now that we have established that parent and leader are the same things in the home, when is the last time you were intentional about becoming a better leader?  If you want to become a better parent, become a better leader. As you become a better leader you are helping your kids, your spouse, and most importantly you. Just like leaders are not born, leadership does not just happen.  We need to take steps to develop this skill.

 

My Brother in Law is an optometrist and he is the best around.  As most doctors do he went to school for many years chasing his goal to become a doctor.  The thing a lot of people realize is that once you become a doctor you are not done. There are more certifications and training that you have to attend every year to stay certified.  

 

The industry is always changing.  New technics are coming out there are advances in equipment and lens and these classes he goes to every year is as much for his patients as it is for him.  For him to best help his people he needs to be up to date and gain as much knowledge as he can. You would not want to go to any doctor that stopped learning the day she left med school.  I shudder to think about what would happen. For some reason in my mind I just picture my doctor handing me a stick and saying bite down on this, this is probably going to hurt a bit.

 

For us, as parent leaders, we need to understand that we need to continue to develop our skills as well.  Most importantly we need to be intentional about who we are and who we are trying to become. To put it a different way we need to become the person our family needs.  Rarely does that happen on accident? We need to think about ways we can become better. Just like how we need our doctors to continue to become better our family needs the same from us.

 

The great thing about becoming a leader is we need to understand it is a process.  It is not something we cram for like a test and in 3 days we come out a leader. We can’t just flip a switch and we become that person we want to be.  We get better little by little when we start to take conscious steps toward becoming a better person. Here are some ways to start taking those steps.

 

Pick A Value

Think of the values of a good leader we listed earlier.  Pick one of these values and start to work on yourself. If you think a great leader is loving what can you do to become more loving?  Challenge yourself to do one thing today that is going to make you better as showing love for those you lead.

 

Read, Read, Read

Leaders are readers.  The same is true for parent leaders.  Pick up a book, read a blog, (I know a guy who writes about leadership for families that is pretty good) get a book on tape, or even listen to a podcast.  In our age there is so much out there we can digest to identify the skills we need to become better. The point is go out and get new information. Our development is only as good as the information we are feeding ourselves.  Go find some good info.

 

Ask Questions

One of the best things you can do to grow yourself is to become curious.  Our progress depends on the questions we ask. We can ask questions of others who have been there but the most important questions are the ones we ask ourselves.  What does my family need of me to achieve their greatness?  What is one thing that is holding me back from becoming that person? What strengths do I have that I can leverage to help myself and my family?  Asking the right questions makes us think and those answers will push us forward.

 

Partner Up

If you are fortunate like me and have an amazing spouse get with them and help each other.  Have those conversations that will help grow you and those around you. Share your goals and what you are trying to achieve.  Share why it is important to you and ask how you can help them. The best way to grow yourself is to not think about yourself and help someone else.  If you don’t have a spouse you can lean on like that don’t worry about it. Find a friend, parent, grandparent, whoever you have that relationship of trust with and grow together.  It is less about who it is and more about the relationship you have with them when it comes to growing together.

This is a process and will not happen overnight.  You don’t have to be perfect to be a good leader. The best leaders out there know they are a work in progress and work with their followers to grow together.   Don’t think you have to be a perfect leader to be a good parent. When you are working on yourself you are enough today. You are enough to be the person your family needs right now when you are putting in the effort to become better for tomorrow.  

 

There is a great line in the book Good to Great by Jim Collins.  He is talking about great organizations and how all of them have a great leader at the helm.  All of these great leaders have a humble drive that pushed them and their people to find success in the business world.  One of the leaders who was interviewed showed the humility of a great leader.

 

CEO Darwin Smith said, “I never stopped trying to become qualified for the job.”  That is the mindset great leaders have. Never stop trying to become qualified for the job you have in your family.  Whether you are a brother, sister, husband, wife, father, mother, grandmother, even great-grandfather. Don’t stop trying to become qualified for the job.  Parent leaders are made not born. Go make yourself.

 

A great place to start to get intentional about your family and your leadership is with our one-page plan.  Its totally free and gets you thinking about where you are taking your family.  Download it today.